If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
