I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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