you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
