I look better un-naked...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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