Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
