I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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