in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
