FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
