Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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