hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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