ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
