fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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