So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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