My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
