I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
