After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
