I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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