I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
