I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
