just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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