Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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