happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
