My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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