The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
