turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
