the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
