we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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