Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
