There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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