Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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