Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the day after is always just damage control
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
