I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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