I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
