so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
