I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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