Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this just has baby written all over it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
