38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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