WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
