Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
