I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
