And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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