We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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