He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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