Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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