Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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