Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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