I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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