The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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