Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
