she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
